Might we chat about HelpDesk and TroubleTicket etiquette for a few minutes?

Do you remember when you were young, and your parents would make you sit down and write thank-you notes? Sometimes, it’s really hard to struggle to be polite, especially when your Aunt Gertrude seems to think you’re a boy, not a girl, and picks your birthday gift accordingly. Aunt Gertie gave young Madame an ant farm one year, when what she really wanted was a ballerina doll. But my mother forced me to write a lovely thank-you letter anyway, even though she is as petrified of insects as I am.

Doing such things is part of learning to be grown-up, my grandmother was so very fond of pointing out. A dash of politeness and a generous sprinkling of practicality combine to go a very long way towards seasoning and tenderizing the world.

The HPFF Trouble Tickets are no different.

Here’s a few tips that might help, should you ever have to fill out a TT:

1. Unless you include your penname and the titles/chapters of any stories involved, we won’t be able to help you. If you’ve had a chapter rejected and fill out a TT to ask for an explanation, unless you include your penname and story title, we’ll be about as helpful as Professor Trelawney trying to read Lucius Malfoy’s palm.
   

2. Likewise, if you’re having problems with your account? We need your penname and the email address registered with that account. This might seem unnecessary, but we need that information to verify that you’re actually who you say you are. It’s like the security measures the Ministry of Magic recommends, only we won’t make you tell us that you like being called 'Mollywobbles' or 'PreciousPumpkin'.

   If you don’t include your penname and email address, we’ll reply back, asking for that bit of information, and our hands are tied until we have confirmation of your identity. So by providing it in the first place, you’re saving quite a bit of time.
   

3. Be patient with us, please. We will answer your TT as soon as we possibly can. It’s a big world, and we’re spread out across the time zones. Sometimes, the particular staff member who can help you might be asleep or at work. Other times, it might take us a bit of time to troubleshoot the exact problem.

4. Contrary to popular opinion, the members of the staff are not Dementors. I promise, we’re humans – we have feelings and emotions (and souls!), and we don’t appreciate being yelled at, especially in ALL CAPS. (We’re not Inferi either, for the record).

Please remember to keep this in mind, the next time you are faced with a problem and turn to the TroubleTickets for help. It will make the experience much smoother and quicker, which means you'll have more time to spend writing your next chapter.