Might we chat about HelpDesk and TroubleTicket etiquette for a few minutes?

Do you remember when you were young, and your parents would make you sit down and write thank-you notes? Sometimes, it’s really hard to struggle to be polite, especially when your Aunt Gertrude seems to think you’re a boy, not a girl, and picks your birthday gift accordingly. Aunt Gertie gave young Madame an ant farm one year, when what she really wanted was a ballerina doll. But my mother forced me to write a lovely thank-you letter anyway, even though she is as petrified of insects as I am.

Doing such things is part of learning to be grown-up, my grandmother was so very fond of pointing out. A dash of politeness and a generous sprinkling of practicality combine to go a very long way towards seasoning and tenderizing the world.

The HPFF Trouble Tickets are no different.

Here’s a few tips that might help, should you ever have to fill out a TT:

1. Unless you include your penname and the titles/chapters of any stories involved, we won’t be able to help you. If you’ve had a chapter rejected and fill out a TT to ask for an explanation, unless you include your penname and story title, we’ll be about as helpful as Professor Trelawney trying to read Lucius Malfoy’s palm.
   

2. Likewise, if you’re having problems with your account? We need your penname and the email address registered with that account. This might seem unnecessary, but we need that information to verify that you’re actually who you say you are. It’s like the security measures the Ministry of Magic recommends, only we won’t make you tell us that you like being called 'Mollywobbles' or 'PreciousPumpkin'.

   If you don’t include your penname and email address, we’ll reply back, asking for that bit of information, and our hands are tied until we have confirmation of your identity. So by providing it in the first place, you’re saving quite a bit of time.
   

3. Be patient with us, please. We will answer your TT as soon as we possibly can. It’s a big world, and we’re spread out across the time zones. Sometimes, the particular staff member who can help you might be asleep or at work. Other times, it might take us a bit of time to troubleshoot the exact problem.

4. Contrary to popular opinion, the members of the staff are not Dementors. I promise, we’re humans – we have feelings and emotions (and souls!), and we don’t appreciate being yelled at, especially in ALL CAPS. (We’re not Inferi either, for the record).

Please remember to keep this in mind, the next time you are faced with a problem and turn to the TroubleTickets for help. It will make the experience much smoother and quicker, which means you'll have more time to spend writing your next chapter.

Extra! Extra! Read Allllll About It!

Dear Readers, the most dastardly distressing issue has recently been brought to the attention of Yours Truly. I sit here, my golden curls gleaming upon my elegant head, quill in hand, wondering if I dare even mention such a horrible thing, but I simply must, Loyal Fans. To ignore this tragedy in our world would be a high irresponsible act

I am speaking, my dears, of the fact that the muggle electronic computer phenomenon called the Internet. Scores of unsuspecting, respectable wizarding parents have no idea that their sons and daughters are secretly exploring the darker aspects of muggle culture, by using a curious electronic box that connects them to virtually every single stranger in the entire world.

This Interwebby, according to Ministry experts, is much like leaving the Floo Gateway in your living room unlocked and open for virtually anyone to drop by and invade your privacy. By using curious Muggle devices called chat rooms and instant messaging (not unlike our Communication Charms), your children could be bypassing your home security wards and inviting Dark Wizards to Apparate into their bedrooms.

Could times grow any darker?

Our children and families are unsafe, and I, for one, would like to see a complete Ministry investigation. Naturally, the fools at the Ministry would like to brush this issue under the table, the way they have ignored the return of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and until then, I feel it is my duty as a patriotic witch, to direct you to the excellent resource list, provided by my friends at harrypotterfanfiction.com -- Staying Safe From Online Predators.

For more tips on keeping your family safe, and preventing Dark Wizards from utilizing this dangerous bit of Muggle technology to menace your families and make your homes unsafe, please join us Thursday, August 17th, from 7 – 9 PM GMT, in the chat room. Del Harvery of Perverted Justice will be our special guest, discussing online safety. (Regular Readers may recall that Yours Truly had the honor of being present at a special interview with Del herself!)

Be safe, Gentle Readers. You are all very precious to Yours Truly, and it would break my hard little heart if anything happened to any of you. Be safe, be cautious, and be SMART.

What can you do about online predators? Who should you report them to? What information should you never share with people online? How can you protect yourself (or your child)? The list of questions about internet safety can seem endless, unless you know where to look. Thousands of websites have advice and information, and we're assembled a small list of sites and resources that can help you learn how to enjoy the internet safely. (Special thanks to Scarhead for researching and compiling this list of resources and making it possible for us to share this information.)

Perverted Justice - This is a dedicated and amazing group of people who work closely with American law enforcement to put online child predators in jail. This link takes you to a parents' guide to online safety - not just what you can get your child to do, but also tips on what you need to know, as well, such as: Looking at your browser history to see what websites your child visits, learning to use IM and chat rooms, etc. A very informative and important guide for all parents to read. Be sure to read the interview with Del Harvey, too.

Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre (CEOP) - This site is a member of the Virtual Global Taskforce, whose goal is making the internet a safer place. There is a great deal of helpful information on this site. Tips for parents, information on what to report and where to report it. They also offer tips on how to use IM, chat rooms, blogs, mobile phones, and online-gaming safely.

BeWebAware - is an incredible site, loaded with information. There are links to kid-friendly and family-friendly search engines, safety tips for different age groups of children (from ages 2 - 17), ways to report problems, and much, much more.

Think U Know - was developed by the CEOP. It is a site geared towards kids and teens to help them become aware of the dangers online. It also has tips on just about anything you would want to do online. With special areas on where to get advice, how and where to report inappropriate behaviour and tips on what you should and shouldn’t do online. It’s a fun and helpful site.

NetSmartz.org - is a wonderful site filled with tips and ideas to help you be safer online. It has real life stories geared towards all ages, as well as suggestions for parents. There are also age specific activities to help children of all ages learn internet safety.

ChatDanger - This is a great site with loads of advice, true stories and tips on how to protect yourself on chatrooms, IM, mobiles, emails and games. There is also a long list of links for other internet safety sites. They also include the SMART rules which are so important:

S - Safe. Keep safe by being careful not to give out your personal information - such as your name, email, home address, school name or phone number - to people online.

M - Meeting. Meeting with someone you only know online can be dangerous. If you feel you have to, take a trusted adult with you and meet during the day in a public place.

A - Accepting. Accepting emails, files or IM’s from your online friends can be dangerous. Viruses and disturbing images or email could be sent to you.

R - Reliable. Anyone can lie on the internet. No matter how often you chat or IM with someone, please remember that they are essentially a stranger to you.

T - Talk. Talk to your parents or a trusted adult if something online is bothering you. Showing your parents that you are taking internet safety seriously will help reassure them that you will be smart about your activities online.

Now for a moment we felt it was important to talk to the parents that have taken the time to read through this information. Although we wish that it were never necessary to pass along the following information, we know that according to statistics found on Cyber Angels (a US based internet safety site) 77% of youths by the age of 14 have been contacted by a predator online.

Keeping an open line of communication with your child is the best way to prevent problems and to solve issues that do occur. Many kids don’t report incidents that happen online to a parent because they fear their internet privileges will be taken away. Its important that they know they can talk to you about this.

Knowing where your child goes online and who they talk to is vitally important as well. Sites like All About Spyware contain programs which are available to download to help you monitor your child’s online activities.

Now for the scary stuff. No matter how much we wish that there would never be another child hurt by one of these monsters, the fact remains that they are out there and we need to do what we can in case it happens to you or someone you know. The most important thing in a child abduction case is time. Every minute counts so it is important to have all the info that the police would need ready to go as soon as you can. The Poly Klaas Foundation's Missing Child Center website has a free child ID kit available online that enables you to have your child’s fingerprints, DNA and all pertinent information ready in case of an emergency.

We urge all of our members (young and old) and their families to take the time to check out the websites listed and to please heed the advice that they have for us. Below we have a list of country specific sites that can be used to report anything that you find online that could endanger a child. (pornography, grooming, etc)

International:

Virtual Global Taskforce

UK:

Internet Watch Foundation

USA:

National Center for Missing & Exploited Children

Canada:

Cybertip

Australia:

Australian High-Tech Crime Centre

India:

Indianchild.com safety mission

Europe:

INHOPE - International Association of Internet Hotlines.


Be safe, be SMART, and we hope to see you on August 17th, from 7 - 9 pm GMT, in the HPFF.com chat room with special guest Del Harvey, from Perverted Justice. Keep an eye open for more information on this very special and educational (and fun!) chat session.

Hey guys, it's that time again. After shuffling through the forum I've dug out a few more of your recommendations. You'll now notice we have a new TOP 5, Recommended Author and Recommended story featured on our site. Speaking of featured, our Prefects are now also sponsoring our featured spots on our main page. These stories haven't been changed for awhile, but hopefully now we'll be able to update them a bit more often. I hope you guys enjoy these selected stories. If you would like to recommend a story, author or even your own top five visit the forum. These monthly features are chosen by YOU!

As a group of people who regularly go spelunking in the HPFF queue, I think the staff here was happy to finally meet someone who deals with things more disgusting than we do on a daily basis and still retains a semblance of her sanity. (It gives me hope, anyway.)

When I first realized that I was associated with a site large enough to, at least perhaps, lure the likes of PEEJ into our midst for an educational chat, I have to admit, I was nervous (and feeling a wee bit irresponsible for not trying to do it sooner). And after my first e-mail – incorrectly sent – went unanswered, the nerves only increased, but I gave it another try and was pleased to hear from Del Harvey herself, the woman behind so many of the faux-fifteen year olds her participated in the now infamous Dateline/PEEJ “To Catch A Predator” stings. If you took a moment to read her interview, posted here earlier this week, you’ll know that she’s warm, friendly and a little goofy – just like the rest of us. Incidentally, I wonder if she has some spare time to pitch in a bit in the queue….

While we don’t recommend reading the PEEJ conviction reports as they are graphic, disgusting and we’re really not sure how she does it, a visit to their website is never a waste. Their FAQ's are a good place to start your journey and will introduce you to a lot of the common questions and basic information you were after. You will probably also want to visit The PeeJ Guide (For Parents and First Time Visitors). This page provides information and resources for parents and their children on online safety and the very real threat that exists in cyberspace.

To supplement these guides for our users, HPFF has composed several of our own guides that will be available before the end of the month, including reporting agencies, quizzes, guidelines and much more for the US, UK and several other countries.

The HPFF staff all like to think that the work we do here is important – that there are children and adults alike who find sanctuary from the woes of the real world in the fanfiction we host and parents who are able to feel comfortable allowing their children to explore the many wonders of the internet in a safe environment but, most importantly, we hope that reading and writing these stories can inspire creativity and increased writing skills that will help them in all aspects of their future. Still, for as important as we hope the work we do here can be, the work Del and her peers do with Perverted Justice is even more far reaching and, to my mind, far more important.

All in all, everyone here at HPFF wanted to take a moment to thank the staff of PEEJ both for what they do everyday and for the time and service they are providing to our members this month,

Remember, we''ll see you all on the HPFF forums on August 17th...right? ;)

We had a marvelous surprise in the Virtual Staffroom not that long ago – the fabulous Del Harvey of Perverted Justice dropped by to have a chat with us. Del will be joining us in a special chat room later this month, to discuss online safety – Please keep your eyes peeled for more details.

Our very own QuickQuotesQuill helped record the event for posterity . . .

Kay picked up a megaphone and shouted, "Okay, time for a break from the queue! We can only take so many tube-tops at once, right? Look who dropped by . . . It’s the one and only Del Harvey!"

Several staffers eagerly pulled themselves away from a long row of cubicles, muttering strange things like brick-fic-brick-fic-brick-fic, and slowly the glazed look faded from their eyeballs.

"Be there in a minute," called Cor Leonis, "I’m only a third of the way through validating a 6000 word chapter. If I leave now, I’ll lose my place."

"Del," shade said cheerfully, "Welcome to HPFF! You know all about us, but our members don’t know much about you. Can you tell us, what kind of work does Perverted Justice do?"

"We go into online chat rooms with underage profiles," Del Harvey explained, "And if adults contact those profiles and solicit them for sexual purposes, we work with the police to prosecute and convict them. We've also done a number of projects involving Dateline NBC and law enforcement."

"I’ve seen you on television," PrudencePrior smiled graciously. "Can I get you something? Coffee? Tea? Some adorable little crumpets? We have a house elf around here, somewhere, he might be able to scrounge up some doughnuts for you."

"We’re out of doughnuts, and there’ll be time for coffee later. Del, I’ve been dying to chat with you. What does being the ‘Law Enforcement Coordinator’ entail?" queried BitterEpiphany. "What exactly do you do?"

"It means I coordinate our efforts with law enforcement; it also means that if a district attorney has a question, they come to me. All Subpoenas are routed through me, and all police inquiries come to me." Del looked a bit taken aback as a shoddily dressed house elf tore through the room, muttering about mocha lattes and laundry.

Kay narrowed her eyes at StarBucky but gamely continued. "We know you spend 80+ hrs a week working with Perverted Justice, but do you have a position elsewhere in addition to that?"

"Nope. Other than Perverted Justice, I surf, bike, read, and make chainmail - the armor, not the letters. Those aren't paid positions, sadly." Del grinned.

"AY YI YI YI YI!" yelped the strange little House Elf. "I is being good house elf!" Del cringed and looked a bit nervous.

LogicalRaven laughed. "Don’t mind him, he’s a little strange, but he makes a great cup of coffee. If he gets in your way, just threaten him with clothes. Hey, are you any good with riddles?" Her eyes glinted mischeviously. "I need a word that rhymes with kedavra."

"NO!" insisted several staff members simultaneously. "Tell her no! She’s obsessed with riddles; she’ll make you tear your hair out!"

Logical pouted a bit. "Everyone needs a hobby. I happen to like riddles and scavenger hunts. Hey, Del, if you don’t like riddles, what do you do – do you have any interesting hobbies?"

"Ummm," Del pondered. "I don't think there's too many people out there who make chain-mail, so I suppose that should count as a relatively interesting hobby."

"No doubt," agreed RavenGryffendor.

Del grinned wickedly. "I also play a mean RPG on console machines."

"This is going to sound like an insane question," Noblevyne began, "But what is on your desk right now?"

"At this very second?" Del thought for several moments. "I'm sitting on a chair with my feet up on my bed. Yay for laptops! However, if I were to go out to my desk, there'd be two routers piled on top of each other, about 200 total feet of ethernet cable, my keys, a cat or two, and my mail that I need to actually open."

Scarhead cleared her throat. "Are you a Harry Potter fan? What are some of your favorite books, movies, or TV series?"

"Pfft," said Del, waving her hand dismissively. "Who's NOT a Harry Potter fan? However, I'm also a fan of V for Vendetta, The Watchmen, and the Sandman graphic novels, anything by Neil Gaiman, the movie Donnie Darko, and the TV series Smallville."

MadameSnape adjusted her tiara and smiled like the cat who caught the canary. "Tell me what you think - Is Professor Snape truly evil, or was he simply following Dumbledore’s orders?"

"Totally following Dumbledore's orders." Del looked relieved when Madame smiled – clearly, she had answered correctly. "Dumbledore is too smart not to have predicted something like that. Snape is not nearly as farsighted as Dumbledore. I really do think there was SOME reason that Dumbledore had things happen as they did . . . but I can't wait to find out what it was."

"Do you think good will triumph over evil in the end of Book Seven,” posed Timeturner, ”Or do you think that Harry will be unable to win?"

Del shook her head. "Man. I really want to think that good will triumph over evil, and I really think that Harry can pull it off if anyone can. I just can't imagine someone who hasn't even grown into the height of his powers couldn't beat someone like Voldemort who's so twisted by revenge that he can't make good judgments."

"You mentioned cats before – how many cats do you have?" asked Joela.

"Well, as for pets, I have three cats and I'm aunt to an iguana." Del said.

"What about music," wondered PhoenixStorm, "What sorts of music to you listen to?"

"As for music, you'll find the best list of that on my MySpace -- www.myspace.com/delharvey."

"Hey, guys?" called Cor Leonis, who was frowning. "Sorry to interrupt, but can I get a second opinion on this chapter, please?"

VioletGryffindor grinned ruefully. "Sure . . . hey, Del, you might want to take a peek at this too. Want to see what the HPFF queue looks like?"

The staffers and Del all crowded around the computer screen, peeking over Cor's shoulder. Their voices mumbled and murmured, and finally reached consensus: The story still violated the Terms of Service, and because it had been resubmitted three times without change, the author faced a temporary account suspension. Del looked a bit taken aback by the realities of the Queue, even though it surely paled compared to what she sees on a daily basis.

One of the Archive Admins took over to handle the details of the suspension, but she soon began frowning mightily. "Oh my gosh, guys, Del, look at this. Look at this author’s bio page, its awful!"

"That author posted her full name," Jax Granger said sadly.

"And that’s not all," pointed out Lucid, "She’s posted her age. She’s 14. 14!"

Siren was glum. "And her hometown. And the name of her school."

Bibbs shook her head. "I don’t get it – don’t they realize how unsafe it is, sharing personal information like that?"

"She may as well have posted a map to her house!" MadameSnape started massaging her temples, trying to fight off would had the potential to become an extremely painful stress-headache.

Kay looked worried. "I don’t know if they realize just how unsafe things can be online. How sharing personal information makes it easy for complete strangers to track them down. Del, I can’t tell you how grateful we are, that you’re going to do this chat with HPFF. We really need your help and advice."

Your friendly, neighborhood HPFF has gotten together with the fantastic team at Perverted Justice to bring you a month long focus on protecting your personal information and yourself on the web. Parents, family and friends and teachers are encouraged to participate!

This month we will be featuring an online chat with PEEJ's Del Harvey in which you will be able to ask questions about the work she does with PEEJ and what she feels is the best advice for taking care of yourself and your friends online. Expect prizes, good banter and maybe even a few spoofs!

Keep your eyes peeled for more information here, at the HPFF forums and on the main page.

As the rest of the staff knows, I absolutely adore the more unusual fashion related tidbits that appear in the queue and in fanon. Who knew, that far from being a stuffy and old fashioned institute with a strict dress code, Hogwarts is on the cutting edge of haute couture?

I simply must share some of the staff's favorite Hogwarts fashion memories, courtesy of the queue:

1) Harry shaves his legs because it's more aerodynamic in Quidditch. *blink blink*

2) Hermione and Ginny bought some very expensive Gucci dragon-hide bikinis to wear for the brand new mandatory swimming class at Hogwarts. Unhappily, the dragon-hide bikinis turned out to not be waterproof.

3) Madam Malkin has a fascinating new item in stock: Mood Dress Robes! The cloth is charmed to change color to reflect your mood - blue for sadness, black for depression, red for love/lust, yellow for joy, green for envy, orange for being physically ill . . .

4) There are 34,231 halter tops and 13,982 tube tops at Hogwarts. Hermione owns most of them, including the one covered completely in rhinestones.

5) Ginny is fond of wearing leather corsets. In fact, they're her trademark. She picked up the habit after spending a year as an exchange student in America - where she pierced her nose, got a tattoo, started wearing black lipstick, and went Goth-Punk.

6) There is a Prada store in Hogsmeade. Amazingly, the students are able to afford shopping there.

7) Viktor Krum wears a kilt. With nothing underneath. (I thought it was cold at Durmstrang?)

8) When in doubt, skintight lowrise jeans, a tube top, and strappy 6 inch heels are appropriate attire for any occasion. Especially if you're Ginny or Hermione.

9) Draco likes to wear women's clothing when no one else is around.

10) Professor Snape is a professional body piercer, which is fortunate because Voldemort requires that all female Death Eaters have pierced belly-buttons and wear clothing that bares their midriff.